A Day in the Life of the Guinea Pigs

It's 6:30 AM, and one of the humans has just awoken from a long night of cavy dreams. As he stumbles into the kitchen, the anxious squeaks of the guinea pigs rise to greet him. It's feeding time. Panda comes over to the side of the cage, demanding his morning veggies. There is no placating the savage beasts, whose fury and temper can only be appeased by fresh greens, pellets and water refills.

At 6:40 AM, it's feeding time. Parsley and kale for everyone! Fortunately, the food is plentiful and the atmosphere in the cage is one of cooperation and sharing. Shortly after the veggies have been devoured, the feed bowls are filled so that the pigs can satisfy their ravenous appetites with pellets.

When 7:30 AM rolls in, it's time for the morning exercise. Having loaded themselves with energy, the guinea pigs enjoy a morning of popcorning, running and perching. Cappuccino starts off the festivities by running in circles, over and over and over and over and over again. Soon after she begins, Panda and Ebony join in the fun, leading to a caviary full of flying guineas, darting and colliding and squeaking with joy. Georgianne, ever mistrustful of flying guinea pigs, eyes the activity cautiously from the safety of a nearby litter bin.

By 8:15 AM, the humans have vacated the premises. The information that follows was painstakingly pieced together from hours of hidden camera footage.

Having grown weary from an exciting morning performing their guinea pig duties, the herd settles down for a long nap. Cappuccino finds a soft spot in the fresh hay, and reclines. Panda and Ebony opt to sprawl out on the carpet, stretching their legs out behind them. Georgianne, ever mistrustful of sleeping guinea pigs, eyes the inactivity cautiously from the safety of a nearby litter bin before succumbing to her fatigue.

Nap time lasts until around 10:00 AM, when the guinea pigs slowly awaken, one-by-one. Panda, ever the cavy alarm clock, signals the end of nap time by performing the graceful, awe-inspiring, wagging butt-dance. His ulterior motives aside, he succeeds in disrupting the calm, peaceful air of the caviary, which soon explodes into a flurry of activity.

10:20 AM. Ebony hops on to the internet, and surfs the Web. Though her humans favor IBM-compatible computers, Ebony prefers her Macintosh, which was smuggled into the home many wheeks ago, and only recently discovered. From her PPP account, she monitors activity on the Guinea Pigs' Daily Digest and the rec.pets USENET newsgroup. She occasionally drops in to alt.guinea.pig.conspiracy to communicate, using a top-secret code, with fellow guinea pig masters around the world. Ivory and Espresso wait patiently for Ebony to finish, so that they, too, may log on and check their email.

At 11:35 AM, the guineas prepare for the possibility that one of the humans may return home for lunch. Ebony stashes the computer under the hay while Ivory and Espresso tidy up the family room. Capuccino assists Panda with doing the dishes. By 12:10 PM, the rooms are as they were when the humans left in the morning, so that suspicions will not be aroused. Georgianne, ever mistrustful of cleaning guinea pigs, eyes the activity cautiously from the safety of a nearby litter bin.

The sound of approaching footsteps are heard at 12:15 PM. Could the human be returning? Panda takes the position of "lookout", and watches for signs of the human's arrival. When the footsteps reach the front doorstep, he gives the signal: the guinea pigs scramble for their assigned locations, and feign sleep.

By 12:55 PM, the human has left again, after preparing a short lunch and tending to piggie duties, such as checking the water bottles and cleaning around the cage. After the car has driven off, the guinea pigs emerge from their hiding places and prepare for their long afternoon.

It is now 1:15 PM. While Ebony and Ivory make a grocery run for more cranberry juice and some ice, Espresso and Cappuccino check the local TV listings for good afternoon movies. Panda, preferring more intellectual pursuits, heads off to the library to locate some reading material.

At 2:30 PM, Cappuccino and Espresso give up on afternoon television and instead opt for a laserdisc. Georgianne sets up the home theatre system while Ebony and Ivory finish pouring drinks. Panda returns from the library at 3:15 PM, just in time to catch the last hour of The Secret Garden.

The time is 4:30 PM, and the guineas must once again clean up in preparation for the humans' return. Espresso and Cappuccino put away the laserdics and clean the family room while Ivory and Ebony tidy up the kitchen. Panda vacuums up poops and loose strands of hay. Georgianne, still mistrustful of cleaning guinea pigs, eyes the activity cautiously from the safety of a nearby litter bin. By 4:55 PM, the house is once again returned to its previous state, just in time for the humans' arrival.

The first human comes home at 5:00 PM, and immediately comes to the caviary to snuggle with the pigs. After a long day of hard work, the guineas are overjoyed to share some contact with their human companion. Each cavy waits anxiously for his or her turn to be petted; they are so excited, they can hardly contain themselves.

The next human arrives at 5:40 PM. This gets the guinea pigs even more excited, since that means feeding time is less than an hour away. In an effort to charm the humans into giving them larger portions of fresh greens and veggies, Cappuccino begins popcorn jumping and Panda does his hypnotic, wagging butt-dance. Ebony and Georgianne squeak an accompaniment, while Ivory remains cool and collected.

Feeding time happens at 6:15 PM, and the cavies are excited by loads of fresh veggies and parsley. As they devour their latest offering, the human refills their feed dishes and changes their water.

By 7:30 PM, the guinea pigs are ready for bed, having been tired by their long, hard day at work. Shortly after 8:00 PM, the humans change the hay in their home, giving them plenty of insulation for the night, which they munch on contentedly as they slowly fall asleep.

Yes, being a guinea pig is, indeed, a full-time job.