After several months of being coaxed (see: urged prodded coerced, threatened) by the staff of the Wetokian to write an article about my most embarrassing moment I decided, for the sake of my physical health that perhaps I had better do some writing about the subject.

My first thought was to define "embarrass", so to the dictionary I went where I was embarrassed to find more than one definition. EMBARRASS: To make uncomfortably self conscious. Cause confusion and shame to. Disconcert, abash. To make difficult or intricate as a question or problem. Complicates to put obstacles or difficulties in the way of. Impede. To beset with financial difficulties. Burden with debt. Phew!

I guess I've been embarrassed every day of my life since around the age of twelve when puberty started or when a teacher tried to help me understand a problem, or I tried to earn and spend money, or I tried to understand the reasoning behind female logic. Have I ever been self conscious? Yes! Have I ever been burdened with debt? Hell yes!! In fact one might say that I have suffered an embarrassment of poverty rather than riches.

What can I say about my embarrassments? In college, in my sophomore year I was dating two girls, going steady more or less, and tried to impress both and be a big spender. I sent flowers to both and of course the florist got the orders mixed up and Barbara received the flowers and note for Irene and vice-versa. By noon Tuesday my name was all over the campus which at the time embarrassed me but actually turned out pretty well for me because then every girl in the school knew me!

I remember the Summer of 1953 when I was on Temporary Duty at Goodland, Kansas on a Tornado Alley project. A friend and I were dating two sisters ages 22 and 18, and the girls invited us to a backyard picnic. They, trying to be good hostesses, showed us the house and yard and as we strolled around I noticed a dog house. "Where is the dog?", I inquired and both girls responded, "Oh, we don't have a dog, we have a cat." To which I said, "Oh, then that must have been the cathouse." The older girl had spent a year working in Washington, D.C., and turned quite red in the face when her sister asked why. she said, "Paul can tell you later." Only then did I realize the unintended meaning of what I had said, and then my face turned red. That is when I first understood that what embarrasses you can also embarrass others.

Goodland was the locale of another faux-pas. My friend and I were dating different girls, that were not the sisters, and we decided on an evening picnic next to the North Fork of the Smokey Hill River. The four of us packed a watermelon, fried chicken, and other fixings plus 11/2 cases of beer and away we went. We ate, drank beer and danced to music from the car radio. (The old bandstand had been a pretty wild place in the 1920-30's). When it was time to leave a rear tire was flat and I changed to the spare tire. As we drove the six miles back to town we crossed over an old wooden bridge which kindly gave me a second flat tire. I was to have my date home at mid-night and it already was 11:30 p.m. Fortunately we had heard some frogers earlier and after waiting 2 hours for them to drive by we caught a ride with them in the back of a pick-up. My date arrived home at 2:15 p.m., tried to explain two flat tires to her mother and stated, "Paul will be by around noon.' At 11:30 a.m. I tried to explain and finally said, "If I had wheels I would prove it." Mother said "Fine, let's get in the car." We drove onto the dusty roads, came to the car and I showed Mother the flat tire. To show her the other flat I opened the trunk and all that was easily seen was a great many beer bottles, empty and full, and the girl was only 18. What else could I do? I offered Mother a warm beer! I don't know who was more embarrassed, Mother, the girl, or me!! Mother said, "OK, I believe you but we'll not say anything to Dad about the beer." A grand, understanding and lovely woman!

In the Spring of 1959 I was in North Africa and the weather detachment put together a soft-ball team. In the first game I ran from center field to left-center to catch a high fly ball, shouting, "I've got it, I've got it!" I took my eye off the ball to negotiate some uneven ground an then was unable to relocate the ball until it hit me square on top of my head and bounced back up into the air. While looking on the ground for the ball it dropped to the ground four inches in front of my toes. WOW....Two embarrassments within five seconds! That could be a record!! Even worse all my team-mates, the other team, and some spectators were doubled over with laughter, some even rolling on the ground. Further, for the next three days my team-mates called me "I-got-it-Sulky". I went back to playing Chess.

As time and the years have gone by it seems that the embarrassments are fewer and further apart, or perhaps I have become more wise, which is doubtful. More likely is that I have been embarrassed so many times that I have become inured or just don't give a damn.

Anyway, life has been exciting!

Paul Sulky

Email:plsulky@coastaccess.com

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