Election Special. Our Fair Town is having elections for city council tomorrow, and I hang my head in shame to admit that I don't really know squat about the candidates running for the open seat. Today's mail brings two postcards, one from each contender — let's see here; Candidate A promises:
  • a vibrant and diverse economy
  • affordable housing for all
  • a modern electric utility
  • strengthen our neighborhoods and schools
while, spitting in the face of convention and Candidate A, the radical Candidate B will focus on:
  • more jobs
  • more housing
  • more recreational choices
  • stronger neighborhoods
  • growing our schools
but to my everlasting disappointment, neither have boldly stated that his opponent's 3 percent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough!!1

morbo2.jpeg

With these John Jackson / Jack Johnson type candidates, I immediately mused aloud, "What would Morbo campaign for?" I suspect it would involve a platform like:

  • create vibrant and diverse economy by forceful annexation of Des Moines and Polk County
  • reduce the housing shortage by eliminating excess people
  • replace unsightly electric plant with fast breeder reactors
  • arm neighborhoods and schools, heavily
  • widen the Squaw Creek bike trail


1But this does tell me that Candidate B, with his blatant pandering to the Neanderthal jockocracy ("more recreational choices" indeed!) has definitely frittered away my vote.


Posted by David Fleck at 07 November 2005 07:37 PM
Comments

I like Morbo!

Posted by: Geoff on November 8, 2005 09:56 AM

Yeah, I like Morbo too!

But seriously, the easy way to figure out whom to vote for is to determine the preferences of people you never agree with and then do the opposite. For example, if the municipal-employees' or teachers' union strongly opposes a particular candidate I know that I must vote for him. But for this system to work you need a high degree of partisanship and divisiveness in your local community. Are those things even possible in Iowa?

Posted by: Jonathan on November 8, 2005 10:57 AM

So give with the results! I'm sitting on the edge of my chair waiting to find out if your schools are going to be grown or strengthened. WHICH IS IT GOING TO BE! I can't stand the suspense.

Posted by: Carey Gage on November 10, 2005 10:16 PM

Hunh... what? So — distracted...

Well, my guy won. I have the power! Our schools will be strong, not merely grown. Our mortgage payments will go down, the economy will vibrate, we will trade old, clunky electricity for shiny new electricity.

Yes, Morbo's in-your-face, get-it-done attitude did resonate with me, but between "growing" and "arming", "strengthening" schools seems the sensible, centrist alternative.

(The mayoral race had its moments as well, featuring the lopsided crushing of a loon.)

Posted by: David Fleck on November 11, 2005 07:00 AM

Too bad. I always wanted to see exactly how schools are grown. I understand how to strengthen them. A few bricks, concrete, some wood, a little steel, etc. But growing them, now that would seem to be an art.

Is there a recipe? I think yeast must be involved, somehow.

Oh, and congratulations on your shiny new electricity. I hope you will be very happy together.

Posted by: Carey Gage on November 12, 2005 09:26 AM

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